Funny Only if You Speak Cantonese.
Stealing this from another blog I read once in a while. Cheryl, the author, is Chinese.
"So, My cousin still hasn't chosen a name for his daughter yet because of how most american names are difficult to say by our older family members. I mean they can't even say my name...instead of Cheryl they say "Ser-low", for my mother's name "Cecilia", they say "sot say lay" which translates into "i'm going to kill you". His sister told me he wanted to name his daughter Chelsea...but is afraid that grandma will call her "chow see" which translates into "stinky shit". My mom is already grilling me about what names i can have for my kids...WTF dood!"
Flashback: Internship at Ford
I thought that my Ford internship was horrible, but the truth is, I actually did some real work there! A whole lot more than I've ever done in my six months here at the new place. I'm bored and digging through old emails and found a poem I quickly wrote to Alex to express just how bad a workday was over there. Ironically, not much has changed.
July 19th, 2001
oh computer,
i stare into your vortex of glare
and i feel the gravitation,
or electromagnetism
p-u-l-l-i-n-g
my eyes towards the bridge of my nose
oh please, please, please
do not let me leave here cross-eyed
for i will look unfortunate and
get laughed at by everyone
on the bus
this spreadsheet is forever
etched
with your pixelated rays
into my retina
and probably when i
dream tonight
its faint outlines will be there
first reading, part name/function
then, potential failure mode
severity
class
potential cause
oh no, do not torment me
although i draw the unlucky straw
alas, i am only
an intern.
Shopping for a Birthday Gift.
Craig and I went to Kay-Bee Toy Store in an attempt to find a gift for a now three year old little monster. Nothing screams FUN like the following:
(The FINAL) Tribute to Kebwin.
I need to follow up with my last comment to W, and also to you, whom I most likely promised a re-dig in old emails to find correspondence with Kebwin. Please note that
THIS POST WILL BE LONG. VERY VERY LONG. So if you're reading this on the weekend, please close your browser and save it for a work day. Thank you!
Hi V,
Remember when we talk the other day, you said I was sensitive to your needs. That was not the case on Monday when I send you the link for the Master program and you responded to the email but I did not write back to you. IÂm sorry for not writing back to you, I thought that I could call you after I went to class that night and talk to you later. IÂm sorry for my presumption that I can talk to you anytime I wanted to.
Ever since you went home to direct the movers to move your stuffs down here, I have not been doing anything right regarding you and your needs. I hope I can make up some of the mistakes that I have made someday soon. Although I have known you for about 2 months, you understand me more than anybody who have known me for a long time.
I have missed seeing you the last 2 weeks, the first week you were in class, this past week I have a sore throat so I didnÂt come down to see you and talk to you. I know that should not be the excuse but I hope I can see you next week and talk to you. Hopefully you will be able to read this email this weekend.
Miss seeing and talking to you,
Kebwin
Comment: Just so you know, this was the result of casual noncommittal conversation at work. I got busy with training and school, so I didn't have time to respond right away. In hindsight, he was probably attached to his computer waiting anxiously for a response from me. He waited a long LONG time. Then I had a conversation with him and I'll just give you the gist of it: I'm busy doing other things (read: NOT YOU) and you need to do your own things (read: NOT ME) so bugger off! Unfortunately, that just fanned the flames...Hi V,
I am sorry for many things that I did to disappoint you for the last 5 months. I hope one day you can forgive me for some of my mistakes. I know that after sending this message, you may not write or speak to me again but that is the risk I am willing to make. Seeing you in the photograph you sent on May 20th reminded me of your fun-loving playful personality. You know every time I received an email or a call from you, my face is beaming up, similar to your in that photo. I should be the one to say sorry for missing all the valuable time to get to know you while I was at the TRC. You on the other hand do not have to say sorry because it took you a few days to reply. You are the nicest, kind and generous person I know. You always take good care of yourself as well as helping other people out.
I hope that IÂll see and talk to you again,
Kebwin
Please read the attachmentÂ
COMMENT: So by now you're probably thinking, what the hell? Why are you calling/emailing/sending him photos? Oh, did you like how he states the exact date too? (Buckle in, you ain't seen nothing yet.) The photo was a group shot of me plus a group of coworkers pretending to push a gigantic boulder that we came across after that weekend's hike. I sent it to pretty much anyone who asked what we did that weekend. See what I get for trying to be nice? Now, let's get to the attachment which I classify as Creepiest-Shit-Ever.Dear V:
Since Dec 16, 2003, the first day I saw you, I knew you were someone very special in every way. You caught me looking at you while I was talking to [some guy's full name], and you asked me if I was in your way. Prior to this day, I saw your name tag posted on your cube, and for some reason, I had a feeling that [my full name] is someone very special with a beautiful name. As that week dragged on, I wanted to talk to you at every moment but I was too shy to approach you. By Friday of that week, I left for home at around 11:00 a.m. you were heading out to lunch at the same time. As I approached my car, I saw that you were trying to take things from the back seat to put them in the back. It was a very cold morning; you were blowing air into your hands to keep warm as you were doing this; I knew at that moment you were the one I was meant to meet and to get to know better.
The following week, only a few people were at work, I managed to approach you to talk to you. Although we were there for only three days, I got to know a lot about you and your family. You were very excited as you looked at the photographs from the Spring Carnival at [college], your glowing smiles told the whole story. As we were viewing the photos, I looked into your beautiful eyes and saw you were very proud of the accomplishments at [colleges]. I will always cherish those moments. On the 24, I went out during lunchtime to try to find a pair of gloves because I was thinking of you and your hands from last Friday. I wanted to give you a pair gloves for Christmas, but I thought that was too soon so I did not go through with it. It was around 7:30 p.m. on Christmas Eve, when we finally left PK1, as we walked out the front door, you were a bit tire from the long hours at PK1, I was worried about your drive home, but I knew you would be careful when you were driving that eased my worried.
The week of the New Year was a fun week, you were there for only 2 and ½ days but we were able to play games and looking up information. The most enjoyable moments of that week were on the 31st of December, I got to go out to lunch with you, and later that day meeting your mom. You and your mom have a very special relationship and I admire that.
Then came January, the first week from the 5th to 8th was wonderful, I enjoy every moments we shared at PK1, we also sent email to each other for the first time. On the 8th, we left PK1 early, you were on your way to New York and I was going home. I remembered you told me that no one called you on your way back to New York so you have the phone off most of the time. And your mom happened to call you one time, but you did not answered so she was very worry. Now you leave the phone on so she can contact you if she needed to. I should have jumped at that chance to call you and talk to you while you were driving home, but I did not even bother to call you, I am very sorry for my stupidity. Later on that night when you got back to New York, you email me from your private email account for the first time. Instead of trying to email to you with nice conversations, I did not do much of that. Several of those emails that I sent to you werenÂt uplifting to you at all, I can only say sorry now. I was not helpful during those days when you were trying to move into your apartment.
To further complicate things, I sent an email to only take a look at PK3 but instead I was forced to move to PK3, thereby I see less of you each day beginning on the 26th of January. Only when I was forced to move to PK3, I finally called you for the first time on the 23rd, I wanted to call you many time before that day, I am so sorry I did not call to talk to you. On the 28th, the day before you left for New York, I will always remembered that conversation because we cover a lot of topics that night, you were so patience and thoughtful of my circumstances. My regret was I did not get to see you the next morning before you left because I was doing those net-G courses and reading newspapers. From then on, I rarely came down to PK1 because we were not allowed to use the walkway between PK3 and PK1 almost the entire month of February. Everyday, I wished I had not made the decision to take a look at PK3 when I was there. I should have come down to visit you more often then but I was too lazy to put on my coat and walked around the buildings. I know that I lost a lot of valuable time to get to know you, but I can not do anything to change that now, again I just can say that I am sorry for all the problems I have caused.
Ever since January 29th, the day you left for New York, I have missed seeing your smiles, talking to you, laughing with you. I have missed everything about you. I wanted to call and email you everyday, but I made a promise to you in the email on 17th of February, I tried to honor that promise as best as I can. Then, by some coincidence, I was very grateful to have a chance to talk to you on the 18th of March for the first time in more than a month. You were so considerate I was touched by your generosity. I remembered, you got up late and went to work without makeup, but with/without makeup, youÂre always beautiful. What fascinated me about you though is not only your beauty but your kind-hearted, you are the only person to give me a chance to explain my education mishaps and you were generous to accept my flaws, you helped me setup those classes in LMS, your free-spiritedness and playfulness w/the people you come in contact, your work ethic, and most of all your respect for your parents. I wanted to call you everyday that weekend but I wanted to wait until next week to ask you for your permission if I can call and talk to you again.
Then on Monday, the 22nd, I received a called saying that I was cleared, I was happy and sad at the same time. I was sad because I did not have more time to talk to you. On my last day at Parkridge, I meant to come back around noon that day to ask you permission before I call you again to chat, but once the briefing was done that day, I was told to stay at Stonegate. I am sorry that I did not ask you first before I call you beginning on the 6th of April. I just hope you can forgive me and allow me to call you to talk about different things. I know that I can email you at work, but because at work, the computers for regular email are setup as kiosks, shared by many people so most of the time I only use these kiosks at the beginning and ending of each workday. Since I left Parkridge on the morning of the 23rd of March, I have missed everything about you. I hope I can see you again.
You are my best friend, someone who is always there
Miss you very much,
Kebwin
COMMENT: Ummmm, yeah. So then I reported him to HR. And in case you're wondering, we went to lunch only once, in the very beginning. But unfortunately, these pathetic guys can't differentiate lunch as a necessity from a lunch date. Very sad. And he met my mom when she picked me up from work one day. I gave her a nickel tour of the facility where she met Kebwin along with 50 other people. Oy vey.And that's all I have to say about these interactions. Maybe if you stick around long enough, I'll post about 46-year-old creepy stalker dude.
If at first you don't succeed,
I am bad with ball sports.
I am clumsy, uncoordinated, and possibly spastic and don't forget to throw my depth perception problem into the mix.
So as I was standing on the tennis court behind the base line not paying attention to the instructor while swinging aimlessly at balls that were in my general vicinity, I decided that maybe getting back into soccer might be a good idea. After all, the girls' team that was playing in the adjacent field looked like they were having fun. Watching people play soccer is fun and very distracting.
Another aimless swing of the racket and I go the end of the backhand line. Colleen informs me that I just hit the instructor with that tennis ball. Doh.
I sent out a couple of emails just now to see if I could work something out with an already formed team. It'll just take one game for me to realize how stupid this idea was, so don't worry, this will be short lived! (I'm starting to believe that there's a very fine line between persistence and stupidity.)
And on the topic of stupidity and pain maximization, school starts up next week.
Suck it in. Suck it up.
I've got my sister and cousin visiting this week. They hitched a ride back with us Sunday night and have been enjoying themselves at the luxury poolside resort. (Read: my condo.) I've been a little out of it this week for many reasons, but I assure you, I am still on track to do this triathlon. During a 2 hour lunch break, I picked up the girls and we went to a not-so-local multisport store inside the beltway. It was tiny, and very easy to miss.
We strike up a conversation with the sales lady and she eyeballs us for fit. "You both have no hips, so a men's suit should fit nicely." She hands me a men's small and Melissa gets a women's large. "You girls are tall, so pull the suit up such that the leg comes down to maybe 2"-3" above your ankle. Also, be careful with the material. Put the suit on like a pair of pantyhose, or else you might tear it."
Pantyhose? Um, like a pair of 1/2" thick pantyhose??
We go into the dressing room to deal with the suits, and immediately, I get my foot stuck. This is going to be a challenge. About 10 minutes later, we're finally fully suited. Legs were the hardest part. Once you get your crotch in place, the rest of the suit rolls on easily. The sales woman unzips my suit, grabs the open flaps and lifts me 3" off the ground such that I can sink into the suit. Believe it or not, it helped a LOT since it was pulling around my neck before. We are definitely going to need to help each other out at the transition areas to negotiate with these suits.
We also got some pointers. We're supposed to wear what we're racing in the whole time. There are triathlon shorts, which look like bike shorts with a 3" inseam, but they do not have rubber gripping around the legs, nor do they have such a large chamois lining. Instead, there's a fleece lining so it doesn't get soggy. We will be soaked after the swim even with the wetsuit. She recommended arm warmers and one of those sleeveless cycling vests, a skin tight top and sports bra as long as they were entirely synthetic. We will get sand between our toes as we're running from the ocean to the first transition area. We're supposed to unzip as we're running and wiggle out of the top half of the wetsuit (yeah right). She warned us in advance of the people who will go ballistic if we get in their way.
It should be interesting. A character building experience if nothing else!
Weekend in NYC!
Hi everyone. I think I owe you a couple of good posts since I've been off the radar for a little while. Unfortunately, the smattering of text and photos don't do justice in fully depicting the amount of fun I had! This was a particularly noteworthy weekend because I got to take Craig home for the first time, and this was his first visit to the Big Apple.
He's still seeing me, so I think it's safe to assume that my family and the parent's crazy house didn't scare him away.
Craig dropped me off in NJ for the Tori concert as planned. It was a very good concert, but a strange one at that. There are mixed reviews on The Dent if you want a detailed take, or the set list. Tori is always terrific live, and seeing her solo is definitely worthwhile. I had a good time though I was by myself, and Craig unfortunately was not having as much fun as I was as he got 287 confused with 278 and wandered around northern (rural) NJ for a while. He eventually made it to Queens to hang out with one of his "Maxima-friends".
The next day, we were a little slow, operating on a minimal amount of sleep. I woke up the entire house at 8am to go for a jog, but surprise surprise, nobody was interested. We made it out to the Statue of Liberty. She looks fabulous, as always.
Then a quick jaunt up through a street fair on Water St. and into Chinatown. Lots of fun! Craig likes to sift through junk too, and go wild goose chasing for the holy grail. It warms my heart! (Believe it or not, there are some people who DON'T like to do those things...I just don't get it.) We had some pretty good finds, except one of my finds disintegrated since then. That's ok. Canal Street isn't known for quality.
Later that evening we made it to a family friend's wedding reception in Chinatown. It was very nice if you're hardcore asian, that is. Check out this dish:
We snuck out to get real food during the reception and brought back a 1/2 lb of cha siu in a tupperware to share with the table. It was better than gold.
We also got a bunch of really nice photos, the best one displayed below. It's "background-worthy" so I hear.
Mmm. Yum. [edit]
Back to Canal Street the next day on reconnaissance mission #2. Then a short, but lovely trip to Central Park.
We made it back to Brooklyn in time for little Andrew's birthday. He's three. And that's pretty much all I have to say about that. :)
As promised.
Following up with yesterday's post. Here's the horrid tennis dress. I hate it. $35. If it ever goes on sale for $10, I'd consider it, buy dark foundation and dreds and be Serena for Halloween.
And driving around today, another toolish vanity license plate. They're cheap to get in Virginia, so people take advantage of that. Oh- yesterday I almost snapped a photo of the high-tech redneck, but then saw the guy in his side mirror and quickly decided it was a BAD idea.
Hump Day.
Editing out the mundane. Here are some highlights of the week.
1. I've been flashing everyone at the pool without realizing it. My Speedo swimsuits, at least, the competitive ones are actually hand me downs from my sisters. I guess they're pretty old, but I didn't really notice it until last week when it just felt kinda breezy in the pool. I ran my hand across my back and little black fibers from the suit were all over it. Uh-oh. You guessed it. It was threadbare and transparent from the back. Putting it in the circular file once I get home.
2. Saw The Wedding Crashers with Craig and it was hilarious. Think a grown up version of American Pie. The weather was perfect that night so we had dinner in candlelight out on the patio. Very sweet and romantic, and what's that? Stop pulling out the barf bag. Geez. (Don't be jealous!)
3. Yesterday was the first (project I'm working on) picnic out in some regional park nearby. They had this local BBQ place cater, and we brought sides and sweets. Played volleyball (fun) and human foosball (kind of odd) for a couple of hours. Socialized with the makeshift fraternity and got eaten alive by bloodsucking insects. Speaking of which, I need to buy some bug spray because after work today I am going...
4. Hashing. Again. Except this time, it will be in my neighborhood, so I will not get lost or left behind. Radar finally posted some photos so here are a couple. In the first one, Rich is explaining how the hashing concept works as I'm distracted realizing that I'm the only minority in the group, and oh-my-god-these-people-are-weird. The second one is what some of the trails look like. After running on the gravel road (basically), as you get deeper into the woods, the trail narrows and branches off into single track trails. Those are maybe a hand span wide in some places. I'm in the back with Misguided Dick and Matt, another newbie.
5. The most hideous tennis dress ever. Found it at the Adidas outlet this weekend. I took a quick ride out there with Craig and Mom, and since the photo is still on my camera, you'll have to wait a little. But it is hideous, I promise. Even Anna herself couldn't make this dress look good.
6. Lunch with Craig by the pond. I skipped out to take a long lunch with Craig and met him at work. The ominous black glass building is set beside a manmade lake with the following residents: nuclear koi, gigantic angry geese and cute quacky ducks (minus the pegleg duck who can only swim in circles). There are benches in alcoves around the pond, so we took a spot under some trees and enjoyed the view and the company. Time passes too quickly during these moments.
7. NYC this weekend. I thought it was going to be a fun time because it was going to start off with a Tori concert and finish with a wedding, but now it's going to be even better because Craig is coming back with me. Yes, I am taking him HOME! I'm excited to show him little pieces of me through NYC. I like visiting home in general, but getting to share home with people I care about (this includes you too T and Tomak-Attack) makes it that much better. Should have some good posts recounting that weekend.
8. School starts up. Next week, Tuesday to be exact, marks the first day of class. It's a little hard to get excited for Applied Probability, but I will try my best.
Busy as always, but never at work ironically. Later!
Dog:Woof , Cat: ??
Mom is going back to school for a PhD which means a lot of senseless suffering in my book, but to each their own! She has been out of school for a while now, and needs to take the GRE or the MAT as part of the application requirement. I've never heard of the MAT, but that's what she's opting for. It's the Miller Analogy Test, and it sounds trivial at first, but it's frickin hard. It's the kind of thing where you either know it or you don't.
Cutting and pasting: "The Miller Analogies Test (MAT) is an analytic ability test utilizing analogy problems. Primarily verbal analogies are tested, but a few quantitative analogies will also be on the MAT. There are a total of 100 partial analogies that must be completed in 50 minutes.
The MAT will test your ability to determine relationships between words, mastery of the English language, and a general knowledge of fine arts, history, literature, mathematics, philosophy, and science."
The sample analogies online seem trivial, like the following:
SPRING : RING :: COIL : (a. rope, b. loop, c. cowl, d. stretch)
But then, you'll get one like this:
(a. Rembrandt, b. Dalí, c. Cassatt, d. Matisse) : MONET :: WHISTLER : CÉZANNE
So if you don't know who those guys are, you're screwed.
Turns out there were a lot like those, so Mom calls me last night in a panic thinking that she's stupid. She tests me, I fail. She feels better. I reinforce that this is the kind of thing where you either know it or you don't, and that makes studying very difficult. So in a mean spirited way, I send her the following email in response to her concerns:
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mom-
btw, you're not stupid.
rock is to millipede as
a) banana is to centrifuge
b) box is to phonebook
c) diamond is to laptop
d) lobster is to file
-v
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What is the answer??? Is it diamond to laptop????? where did you get
that? the practice test?
i am so f--ked
-Mom
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
mom, i made that shit up.
relax.
Plug.
Hope everyone is having a good Monday morning.
*Yawn*
Back in the office again, but had a very productive weekend which I might blog about later. In the meantime, check out the blog of a good friend of mine. I linked her in the sidebar to the right. She's documenting the trials and tribulations of online dating. A social experiment, if you will.
Check it out!
Best of: Online Dating.
Oh, STOP pretending like you haven't tried it. I'm not going to get into a discussion about the stigma associated with online dating, or the types of people who do it. What I will do, unfairly of course, is perpetuate the freak stigma by posting some of the unique responses. What makes it even worse is the fact that the women seeking men ads that were posted were completely clean. Buckle up!
Freak #1:
Hi there:)
My name is _______ im 26 ..6ft 195lbs...short brown hair and blue
eyes...I live in the Fairfax area.
Anyways I read you add and saw your pic (very cute)...so let me cut to
the chase...
I t said you would try anything once, so I was wondering if you would
be willing to help me out:)
I have the fantasy to have a woman watch me Masturbate:)...If you
respond back we can iron out the details...you could watch in
private...or publice (as long as it safe)...so if you want to watch
(pleaseeee) then email me back...we dont even have to make contact (if
u dont want) you could sit in your car and just watch me do it in my
car:)....
Email and let me know,
______
Comments: I like how masturbate has a capital "M". There are too many things wrong with this response so let's move on.Freak #2:
Neediness is something I understand....most of us have it under
control but many of us recognize that in certain areas...conversation,
companionship and sex...our needs are bottomless...so why not explore
our respective needs and discover how they might match...I'm mid-50s,
6ft tall, lots of saltnpepper hair, wire rimmed glasses, hazel eyes,
slow hands, talented tongue, well hung, energetic, considerate and
passionate...somehow I sense we might have more than a few things in
common--at least we share the desire to find a friend and lover who
melts us but doesn't own us--somebody who you can share all your inner
sesnusal and erotic desires with--and who wants to please you because
we give pleasure as a gift... I am very interested in hearing from
you...and I'd like to talk....for now//DrR
Comment: I deleted the link to his site. This guy is Asian, believe it or not. That bothers me. A lot. Oh, by the way, well hung and Asian? I think not.Freak #3:
Hope all is well in your world. I would love to find a girl who could dust me on a bike. Very open to anything once. I hope you like food. Hope to hear from you soon.xoxoxo
Comment: Actually, I do like food. And air, and water. Shelter is high up on that list too.Freak #4:
Hey there,
I saw your ad in Craigs list and it is interesting.
I am single, 30 yrs, Good looking, tanned, athletic in body built,
financially and professionally well settled Indian Engineer and an MBA. I
live in College park,Md at my own house.
To tell more about me, I am romantic & passionate, like movies, music,
shopping, travel, camping, yoga, kamasutra and what ever fun..Also overseas
trips and the beaches. I can be described as spontaneous, funloving, honest
guy with a humour sense.
So can I know more about yourself ..? hobbies, interests. I would like to
take you out for a dinner date and know more about ourselves..
Feel free to contact me anytime.
Hope to hear from you soon.
Cheers!
Comment: If you don't think there's anything wrong with this ad, you need to reread it.
Quick Announcement!
In an attempt to redeem myself from last week's exercise/sport related incidents that could qualify me for the Special Olympics, I would like to announce that while playing doubles last night at the end of tennis class, I nailed my (unlucky) male opponent in the junk with an unexpected return of the ball.
:)
Third Time's a Charm.
I played again last night at the coffee shop and it was fun. Tina and Craig were in the audience to protect me from freaky weirdos. And believe you me, there are plenty, like the long haired fiddle hobo for example. I was the second act of the night, playing after a guitar and piano jazz duo. Then I was followed by some piano guy who thought he rocked it, when in reality, all he did was make us feel very uncomfortable in a please-stop-singing-you're-making-me-feel-weird kind of way. He was completely overly dramatic, and when he broke into the bridge:
"You moved my furniturrrrre...
You moved my fur-ni-turrrrrrrreeee....
Furrrrrr-niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-turrrrrrrrrrrreeeee..."
I think I snorted some of Craig's root beer out of my nose and started giggling uncontrollably. He then completely butchered the next song which everyone could recognize, but not after the first 8 measures.
I think my next schtick is going to be a musical comedy routine with a disrepectful Adam Sandler flavor making fun of the quality acts of the evening. Absorbing more open mics will be good comic material, except for one small detail: these pour-your-heart-out venues are supposed to be supportive.
The next thing you know, I'm walking up to the piano aware that there are eyes on me, but the lights make it hard to see into the audience. I start the set with Never Seen Blue partly to warm up, but mostly so Craig can have a clean copy. He has the most beautiful blue eyes. (In case you didn't know, Never Seen Blue is a Tori b-side that I adore.) Then, I hesitated for a while before easing into Mad World. I liked the Gary Jules interpretation of the Tears for Fears original, but I had to girlify it and add my own twist. That one went over really well, and I even heard a girl say, "I think I'm going to cry.." (in a good way, I hope) as I was singing it. I got real applause and it was exhilarating. I'm glad Craig and Tina were there for last night's set.
After I settled back into my seat, some weird scruffy old guy taps me on the shoulder and I could tell immediately that he was going to be annoying and crotchety. He prefaces his comment by stating that he isn't a real music critic and tells me that my piano virtuosity is excellent, but my singing isn't, and it takes away, so I should just make a CD with piano. So I thanked him for his advice with my mental middle finger and really started thinking about how ballsy and annoying people can be when they try to put you down to make themselves feel better.
At this point, it's important to note that I was exhausted because earlier that morning, I completed a sprint triathlon at the community center. (Read: I was cranky by 8pm last night.)
When I get the videos, I'll put them up, and you can judge for yourself!
Sneaker Drama.
I'm going to continue the theme of my temporary weekend stupidity, so buckle up!
After my fabulous tennis lesson in which I was the tennis superstar of the group, I decided it was a good idea to go for a swim. I brought my speedo just in case, and the pool wasn't crowded in the lap lanes. So, I change quickly and throw my stuff into one of those quarter-rental lockers. As I'm pulling my swim cap on, I realize that I'm still wearing the earrings that Craig gave me. They have no backing, so I go back to the locker to put them away because if I did lose one in the pool, there would be no hope in finding it. After I put another quarter in, with the earrings safely tucked in my wallet, I realize that I forgot to put my running sneakers in the locker. No problem! I put them on top of the 8ft locker and go for a swim. The swim workout went really well, and by the time I got out, I was completely spent. Dried off, got my things together. Went home.
The next day, I was supposed to meet Craig for tennis. Where the hell are my sneakers? I check my car, the gym bag, washing machine, closet, garage, everywhere. They're nowhere to be found. Gah! Community center. I'm an idiot. I drive there, and of course they're gone. I leave a note with the girl at the front desk who is going to ask the custodial staff if they've seen them. The lost and found is empty. I go back home to get my other (sucky) sneakers. I cry for a while.
Now, you're probably wondering what the heck the big deal is. Well, these aren't just ANY sneakers! They're gigantic, ugly, white, old-man Brooks running shoes for people who severely over-pronate. That would be me. I swore that they would make me run faster out of embarrassment when I got them because they were so hideous. And these extra supportive gimpy orthopedic sneakers are not only hideous, but they're expensive.
At close to 10, the lovely Cheri calls my cell to inform me that the cleaning crew did find my Brooks, and they DID put them into the lost and found last night.
Well, that's interesting. Where could they be?
Cheri then informs me that they take the lost and found items to The Closet (Goodwill) once in a while. Just my luck. I have to BUY back my sneakers if I can find them.
First thing Saturday morning, I'm off to The Closet. Just as you and I would shop leisurely at Lord & Taylor, these folks shop at The Closet. I speak with three of the sales ladies there, and they all verify that they have NOT received a donation from the community center.
I fly back there as fast as I can on my broomstick, suppressing the urge to ask, "WHERE THE HELL ARE MY SNEAKERS?" with the confusion act. It worked. I got taken to the back of the pool area's storage closet and there was an enormous clear plastic bag filled with balls, pool toys, sporting clothes, floats and everything colorful that could be classified as fun. The pool boy said that he looked for the Brooks yesterday, but only saw a pair of cleats. The cleats were at the very top of the bag. Then, suddenly, I see a big ugly white toe protruding from the bottom corner of the bag. MY SNEAKERS!!!
I ran out of there so fast hugging my Brooks that one might have thought I was actually wearing them. :)
Tennis, Revisited.
I got Gary's blessing and was able to graduate from Beginner to the Advanced Beginner class. Things at work have died down to the following result: I am not traveling anywhere. So with that knowledge, I signed up for the class two hours before it started. It was going to be fun! My old classmates were going to be there, at least the good ones, and I was looking forward to another eight sessions.
We didn't have Gary as an instructor though. Instead, it was some young 20-something, full of energy unlike retired Gary. We did drills for the hour and they wore me out. Apparently in my closet nerdiness, I do not play enough video games for good hand-eye coordination. Then came the volleys and overheads which is the last thing that we (barely) touched on with Gary. Volleys freak me out a little because that ball is coming FAST. The instructor was alternating volleys and overheads.
Now is a good time to mention that I have a depth perception problem. It really isn't an issue unless I'm trying to parallel park (uh-oh), hike, or figure out where the goddamned ball is. So the ball is traveling now on the downside of its parabolic path, and I can't tell how far away it is or how fast it's dropping because I'm visually deficient. Well, I *guess* it's there. Swing. Miss. Where's the ball?
THWACK. Bounce. Bounce. bounce.
"Are you OK?"
Oh no, I didn't just get hit squarely in the face with a tennis ball. Dammit.
Hashing Gone Wild.
I really wanted to go hashing yesterday, but with the heat index at 100 and ozone warnings, I opted for the air conditioned gym instead. Begrudgingly told Rich that I was going to skip out on this one.
This morning he stops down in the unclassified area and says (with his Alabama drawl), "I am SO glad, SO GLAD you did not show up yesterday."
He had invited his wife's best friend to this week's hash. Rich was in charge of grilling that week, so he didn't run the trail. So Tracy (the friend) shows up at 7:03pm for a run that started at 7:04pm, and there was no time to lay out ground rules or let anyone in the pack know that there was a virgin on trail today.
At 8:30pm, Rich notices that Tracy hadn't come by to say hi. Nobody knew about her whereabouts, and noone even noticed her which is amazing because that entire running club is caucasian. Rich and another runner hit the trail immediately going in opposite directions on the A-A trail. This plan would have worked if she stayed ON TRAIL, but she didn't. Rich is calling out and whooping in the woods and finally hears a return call. He finds Tracy with TWO other women bushwhacking through the woods. Those other women were also part of the club, but their husbands were so toasted at the campground that they didn't notice they were missing. It's now 8:30pm, and visibility in the woods has dropped to 10 feet. 8:45pm, 5 feet. 9pm, 2 feet. They're lost in the woods trying to find the trail, and they can barely see. Finally, they hear voices. But it's not club members trying to find them. It's a small pack of canoers who lost their canoe, and now were lost in the woods trying to reach civilization. Rich has got 6 people he's trying to lead out of the woods.
Then, they hear the search helicopter flying above. Rich's wife is a cop, and she stopped by the park on patrol (it's part of her patrol area). Rich is nowhere to be found, neither is her best friend. She alerts the squad to send out all terrain vehicles and a rescue team.
Meanwhile, Rich is in the woods leading a this group blindly. He's sliding his feet forward because he can't see in front of him. He finally reaches a gravel path, and eventually, they're out. It's 10pm.
I'm very glad I didn't show up this week. It could've been me!
Despite the extreme heat, 65 people showed up for this hash. Last week, only 25 showed up because of the thunderstorms. Next week, they're running through the same park. I'm bringing a compass, flashlight and whistle then.
To tri or not to tri, that is the question.
Last year, Zach brought in the January 2003 issue of Men's Health to show us the training schedule he used for a triathlon he did at Tech. He had gotten engaged since then, changed physically, and referred to himself as a "Fat Boy", or "Big Belly". A taste for beer and burgers will do that to you.
I like swimming and cycling a lot. Running is not very high up there on the list, but I'll do it. I was exercising 5 or 6 times a week then partly because of boredom, and partly because the other alternative was going out for beer and wings every other night. Not only is that kind of disgusting, it also adds up. You'd think that 20-somethings have other activities, but they always involve food and alcohol unless you hang out with the super dorks. They're involved with a bowling club and live action role playing. And there are the Texas Hold 'Em guys too, but I can't hide my emotions enough to ever be good at it.
Training eleven times was exhausting in the first week. Most days involve an AM and PM workout that are usually somewhat short, but churn you out in a catatonic state. I had a ravenous appetite that put the guys to shame. They watched the food disappear and wondered where I put it. The second week was better, and by the third week, it was routine.
Except this gets to be very time consuming. Everything revolves around the training schedule, and it's hard to have a real life. I was so fatigued all the time that it probably was borderline narcolepsy. "Want to go see a movie Thursday night?" "Um, sorry. Need to bike 20 miles, then run splits. I guess I could *go*, but I can't say I'd be good company." "Happy hour tomorrow. You interested?" "Hell no. I can feel how the alcohol effects my body and it hits hard." I'm no fun.
I started in May with a September goal. But then I was out of town every other weekend which was bad. Weekends are reserved for multi-event back to back workouts, which are essential for being successful at the actual event. To make a long story short, I managed to get rid the extra MBA pounds I picked up in Ohio, and was super lean though I never actually got to DO the triathlon.
But I'm thinking this year it will be different. There's one in the beginning of October at home. Yes, the water will be damn cold, and it will be windy on the shore, but I think I can do it. And better yet, Melissa's going to do it too! Less than 9 weeks to go and 88+ workouts to accomplish. I've heard that the first triathlon is scary because of open water swimming and rough transitions. It'll be interesting at the very least. A character building experience!
So in this time period, forgive me for being a bad friend/girlfriend/sister/ coworker/student/etc. Even though my eyes might be closed, I assure you- I'm listening!
