Sarcasm with a side of optimism.

Untitled.

I can't even really get into what's been going on with me lately, but to make a long story short, my career was thisclose to being forfeited thanks to an administrative error made by an organization that is unregulated. I cannot even get into the psychological trauma, but I'd just like to take a couple of seconds to THANK that organization for reinforcing trust issues that I ALREADY had. Thanks assholes.

And, the worst part about it is that I can't even seek help, legal or psychiatric, because of the nature of my job.

I am angry, and I don't feel like I'm in control. I do not like not being in control of things. Blame it on being an oldest child, or type-A or whatever, but it is a very uncomfortable feeling for me. Maybe I should take this as a learning experience; that no matter how well you think you have something planned, there can still be something popping up from left field.

I can't even talk about this to my coworkers (who I can actually TALK to about this stuff uncensored) without throwing in a variety of colorful cuss words and yelling. At the very least, I sound like some crazy conspiracy theorist.

Well, to all my future acquaintances and potential employers: I do not trust you. I. Do not. Trust. YOU.

I feel slightly damaged from this incident. There are so many f'd up people out there who leave their mark on you, whether it be intentional or unintentional, and we are all chipped away at constantly by these external forces. A little negativity or ill will can go a long way.

The quote, "The truth shall set you free" may be overrated.

And I am forced to censor myself. Can't mention any specifics in fear of incarceration due subjective reasons on the behalf of mysterious three letter organizations that could use some objective oversight.

Oh, and did I mention that I was angry?

My job right now is a good example of the mess, though it's of minor magnitude. It's like taking a third grade teacher, and putting that person in a lecture hall to teach third year optics courses to college students. "Well," they'll say, "you're a techer. You should be able to do this! You're a teacher, so go teach!" But better yet, take an entire fleet of third grade teachers, and give them a huge grant and marching orders to create their own university. I don't doubt that teachers are competent people, but chartering a university is a task better left to a more specialized group.

So in summary, I do work (whenever I have some, that is) that I don't feel that I'm entirely qualified to do.

I've been theorizing with other engineers in the same boat that perhaps there really is a correllation between inteliigence and happiness, though it's an inverse relationship.

I need to stop thinking so much and perhaps just exist in the present. Then, perhaps I can enjoy myself.

On a lighter less rant-y note, we're going to see Borat this Thursday. Believe it or not, I actually have a friend in Kazakhstan (of all places, I know). Now, how many people can say that?

posted by v @ 9:33 PM