More.
I have a soccer game tonight, and believe it or not, ALL 10 girls on the roster will be present tonight. What a frickin' miracle. This will probably be the first (and last) time that this happens, so I should just enjoy it while I can.
To bring some closure to the horrible stuff that happened last month, I DID get the consolation prize. So, if I leave the company with this new credential, I have the potential to make 15k more. Not sure if I'm going to take advantage of that or not. Not quite sure what I'm doing in general!
I have some new responsibilities at work which can be reworded into "leadership experiences", but if you ask me, I just got stuff assigned to me that had to get done, that nobody else wanted to do. I was also compared to a bulldog in terms of getting people to participate and not letting certain issues slip through the cracks. Not sure how I feel about this; all it means is that when something goes wrong, there's a finger pointing at me. You'd think that being in charge of something actually MEANT something, but where I work it doesn't. One of our engineer peers created a powerpoint presentation going over the status of something important that was going on, and he went to another meeting that he wasn't invited to (but it wasn't exclusive) and when he got there, he walked in on the head of another group briefing the presentation he created to another group. As if HE did the work. Ugh.
I don't know. Thank god it's a short week.
I will be going home for Thanksgiving, and hopefully that won't be a debacle. The holidays are an interesting time because I think they are supposed to bring families together, which they do, physically. But for me, it only highlights the differences between us. How can there be such an extreme of personalities, from (ineffective) wannabe control freak, to potential child molester, to psychotic bulimic and everything else in between. Being on my own, and being a convenient distance away from home makes me feel somewhat estranged and disconnected because I am not a part of the day to day drama. (That doesn't mean that I don't hear about it though.) When you stake out your own path, it changes you. When you venture into the unfamiliar, it distances you from everyone else who has stayed behind in the comfort zone. Sometimes it is hard to reconcile the two worlds. My old life and how things were is completely different from what I now consider home and the daily grind.
I will try not to overthink things. It only seems to cause problems.
We will be returning Judy. I think she'll be happy about that. She's been pretty good minus the psycho cage thing. Today she peed on the carpet. That's the second accident in a month which is OK I guess.
We will also be seeing Ruby and Kirk (for the first time). I'm sure that'll be a little weird. We can talk about 60s TV shows and stuff.
WeeMees
I got a laugh out of these today so I figured I'd share them. Kara was bored at work, so she made these for me:
Make your own at weeworld.com!
Untitled.
I can't even really get into what's been going on with me lately, but to make a long story short, my career was thisclose to being forfeited thanks to an administrative error made by an organization that is unregulated. I cannot even get into the psychological trauma, but I'd just like to take a couple of seconds to THANK that organization for reinforcing trust issues that I ALREADY had. Thanks assholes.
And, the worst part about it is that I can't even seek help, legal or psychiatric, because of the nature of my job.
I am angry, and I don't feel like I'm in control. I do not like not being in control of things. Blame it on being an oldest child, or type-A or whatever, but it is a very uncomfortable feeling for me. Maybe I should take this as a learning experience; that no matter how well you think you have something planned, there can still be something popping up from left field.
I can't even talk about this to my coworkers (who I can actually TALK to about this stuff uncensored) without throwing in a variety of colorful cuss words and yelling. At the very least, I sound like some crazy conspiracy theorist.
Well, to all my future acquaintances and potential employers: I do not trust you. I. Do not. Trust. YOU.
I feel slightly damaged from this incident. There are so many f'd up people out there who leave their mark on you, whether it be intentional or unintentional, and we are all chipped away at constantly by these external forces. A little negativity or ill will can go a long way.
The quote, "The truth shall set you free" may be overrated.
And I am forced to censor myself. Can't mention any specifics in fear of incarceration due subjective reasons on the behalf of mysterious three letter organizations that could use some objective oversight.
Oh, and did I mention that I was angry?
My job right now is a good example of the mess, though it's of minor magnitude. It's like taking a third grade teacher, and putting that person in a lecture hall to teach third year optics courses to college students. "Well," they'll say, "you're a techer. You should be able to do this! You're a teacher, so go teach!" But better yet, take an entire fleet of third grade teachers, and give them a huge grant and marching orders to create their own university. I don't doubt that teachers are competent people, but chartering a university is a task better left to a more specialized group.
So in summary, I do work (whenever I have some, that is) that I don't feel that I'm entirely qualified to do.
I've been theorizing with other engineers in the same boat that perhaps there really is a correllation between inteliigence and happiness, though it's an inverse relationship.
I need to stop thinking so much and perhaps just exist in the present. Then, perhaps I can enjoy myself.
On a lighter less rant-y note, we're going to see Borat this Thursday. Believe it or not, I actually have a friend in Kazakhstan (of all places, I know). Now, how many people can say that?
