Sarcasm with a side of optimism.

Jobs.

When I was little, I wanted to be an archaeologist. It fascinated me to think that these layers of today could be peeled back like an onion to reveal forgotten cities and people. It would be like a treasure hunt that didn't involve pirates or leprechauns. And if you were really lucky, you might even find dinosaur bones. Then began my obsession with the archaeopteryx, which is basically a small dinosaur-bird that had feathers.

I considered for a long while what it would be like to be a bird. You have a lot of time when you're seven, and confined to the brick front porch of the row house. I used to lay across the porch open to the sky and watch the pigeons go to and fro. Imagine the freedom of picking up and going anywhere you wanted to, whenever you wanted with nothing holding you back! Flight was freedom.

We got a parakeet shortly thereafter. His name was Stuffy and he was aptly named as all he did was eat and stuff himself all day. He was beautiful with brilliant blue plumage and very social as all parakeets are. The house was big enough to provide a hearty workout for him as he flitted about in transverse sections. He continued to do so until I accidentally closed a door on him. Unfortunately, he wasn't shut out, but instead he was trapped between the door and the frame. That was the first real thing I ever killed that I cared about. (Carnival goldfish don't count.)

I wanted to be a vet for a short while, but then realized I was allergic to (all) animals.

Through many conversations with my parents, my obsession with horses and owning and keeping on in our Brooklyn house was quickly shot down.

I was told for a while that I wanted to be a doctor or lawyer. My parents said it was OK to choose one or the other. I guess it would be kind of fun to wear a stethoscope and an authoritative white coat with my name on it. Lawyers are extroverts, at least on TV, and there's no way I want to be speaking in front of large crowds like that. No way.

I never went the route of medicine though I was interested in science. I was always conducting all sorts of experiments. By the way, the ant and magnifying glass thing never worked out for me. The baking soda and vinegar volcano was awesome though. And the time I tricked my sister into eating a rock. (It was small, relax.) And Sharpies aren't really permanent if you are experimenting on a sleeping test subject. Later in school, I participated in real science experiments but ended up doing things like blowing all the mercury out of a manometer and accidentally into the drain, or not mixing enough of chemical A with chemical B (stupid tare weight) and having to make up the entire lab in another 3 hour session. I'm not good at science.

But, I am good as bossing people around like most first-borns. Maybe that's how I breezed through my MBA.

posted by v @ 8:39 PM