Sarcasm with a side of optimism.

If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.

That's what my mother always says. So it took every ounce of energy to keep quiet today at work. Do you ever feel like you're trapped in a traveling band of idiots? My favorite commercials nowadays are the ones with the sane, normal corporate peon giving a panel of monkeys a presentation on the state of the world.

Of course, it doesn't help to be overtired, emotional, and overwhelemed either.

I managed to spring out of bed at 5:25am and had my step assembled and ready to go at the community center at 5:58am. Class starts promptly at 6am with the sort of chubby but very nice instructor yelling, "HOW ARE YOU ALL DOING THIS MORNING?"

Lady, it's fucking 6am and I'm here. Isn't that good enough?

She starts off with basic stuff, and builds it into a routine which can be quite challenging. She's good like that. I like creativity. Except, she likes to turn a lot, and well, it gets quite confusing and frustrating when you're always facing the wrong direction.

Today I was ready to hang it up. Really. Just wanted to say, forget this whole thing, and scratch step off the list. But it was my fault for missing classes and not getting the basic instruction in the first place, so I couldn't blame her, or the class in general. Dammit. At this point, I'm frustrated and ready to cry. Then, I get mad again for allowing myself to get annoyed over something so stupid. It's 6:30am. DO SOMETHING.

So I stop watching her and start listening. I do the stuff that I know how to do, and when it gets unfamiliar, I make up stuff in between on the beat. Yes, I probably look like a giant idiot. The others in the class probably think I'm learning disability or something. But that's OK. At least I'm providing the function of allowing them to feel better about themselves by making it blatantly obvious that they're able to nail something that I cannot. Everybody needs a role, right?

Class ends, and I make my way to the pool. The nice thing about swimming is that you usually can't hear anything except what's in your head. At 7am, I can tell you it's not a whole lot. Made it across the pool in three breaths. It feels faster that way for some reason. Concentrating on the stroke probably helps, because turning my head constantly breaks my focus. It's getting better though, so I'm glad.

I get to work and the talk of the town is what-I-gave-up-for-Lent. One guy gave up soda, so he's drinking Orangina instead. Go figure. Another guy gave up sweets, but it's OK to eat Raisin Bran where each raisin is rolled in sugar. I'm not particularly religious or anything. I jokingly offer that I gave up food for Hawaii, but they didn't seem to appreciate that one.

posted by v @ 6:26 PM