The Demise of Friends
It's a very strange thing how life and choices pull everyone apart in different directions. Friendships redefine themselves, it's always weird to find yourself so far ahead, but your friend is still in the same place where you first met. Except at this point, you're not so much friends anymore but acquaintances.I think I'm tired.
I'm thinking of one friend in particular. I don't know what binded us together, but it was probably the love of Brooklyn, and not so much of grass and winged insects. When I think back, there are a good number of laughs, and many instances of proven loyalty. But there were other times too where I can distinctly remember being belittled. We were friends before boys played any real role in our lives. But when they did, it was all over. And that's when the problems started. The last eight years have been riddled with self inflicted problems in which intervention was futile.
She'd ask for advice. I'd give it, wearily knowing that she already knew what she was going to do, and of course it was never the sensible option. She says we're like family, but I've been a stranger ever since I left for college. She stayed in the same place.
I guess I feel guilty for not inquiring about all the "juicy details" when she announced to me that she was engaged. I think I might've hated her for it, because as history shows, it will mark the beginning of yet another dysfunctional relationship. Of course, in my heart of hearts, I hope it won't be a repeat, and I hope that this works, and that she is truly happy. But I can't shake this sinking feeling.
She's a good person with a heart of gold. Having low self esteem is a bitch.
Another shows me what my sister could turn into and it scares the living crap out of me.
Needy does not foster a good friendship either.
To my good friends who are often absentee but always sane, and in tune when I need you, THANK YOU!
posted by v @ 9:27 PM
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