Sarcasm with a side of optimism.

The Mean Lady.

I owe you guys some photos from my last adventure. I will try to post them sometime this week. I know you really want to see what a mullet counter looks like.

The weather is definitely changing, so instead of lamenting over the end of summer, I am going to embrace fall with open arms. But let me grab my sweatshirt first! The leaves are starting to change and there are touches of yellow and brown peeking out from the trees. I have upped my dosage of allergy meds because those pretty colors also mean that a whole bunch of nature is dying creating a bunch of dry and crumbled allergens.

Despite this, I'm still excited about the fall. Halloween is coming up, and not only do the local supermarkets have aisles of candy set up in the center of their stores, but they also have gigantic inflatable lawn "snow globes" in the front of the store where you can have your very own Santa and Rudolph trapped in a gigantic hamster ball full of perpetually circulating packing peanuts for only $149.99. I'm going to buy one to put in my parking spots in front of the condo. Not only will it take up BOTH of my parking spots, but it will also piss off the condo association. :) Nothing screams, "White trash lives here!" more than inflatable lawn ornamentation. (Except for maybe tires cut in half, or those concrete "sculptures".)

Panic struck my brain this morning when I realized that all the little kiddies in the area are most definitely going to hit up my complex because it's prime trick-or-treating territory. I know they're analyzing the routes already because I did the same thing as a kid. Not only do you want to go to a rich neighborhood, but you want to go to one where there are very few stairs and the doors are clustered. Well, what do you know? Crap.

So the lazy teenagers who are definitely way too old for trick or treating (and this qualifies as anyone who has an at least minimum wage job where you can BUY your own freakin' candy!) will be walking into the shared corridor, ringing FOUR bells at the same time and waiting. I'll be home running up and down the stairs because the steps to my townhouse are enclosed.

I can be ghetto and use the leave-the-candy-out-on-the-stoop-and-when-it's-gone,-it's-gone method. But that seems kind of lazy. Or, I could leave a note that says, "Ring bell, stand in driveway." Then throw the candy off the patio. Or I could dangle the candy bucket off the edge of the patio at a height where they can barely reach in (muhuhahaha). Or, I could just say screw-the-whole-damn-thing and leave the lights off, not answer the door, and be the mean lady.

posted by v @ 8:18 AM