Sarcasm with a side of optimism.

The Emoting Scalp.

Bob, the #1 boss man on the contractor side recruits me on Friday to go to a user conference through Wednesday of this week. So here I am. I've been buddy-buddy with Joe, the #1 boss on the gov't side, though it doesn't really matter since he's rotating out soon to take another 3 year assignment. Lucky for me, Joe turns out to be an irreverent jokester, and has been a good source of distraction for the past day. He points to my right and says,

"Watch that guy's head in the striped shirt."

"Um...WHY??"

"Just watch. Trust me."

The guy's whole scalp moved just like a jellyfish on the intake and expulsion of water. No joke. And he did it again and again. (He was talking very enthusiastically with the woman sitting to his right.) It was completely mesmerizing, though somewhat unnatural. I guess each time he raised his eyebrows, the..um..excess skin of his head just cascaded back. I haven't seen any other back-of-the-head here that has exhibited the same properties. His hair vibrates after each quick move and settles back into its spiky hedgehog formation.

It was hard to suppress the laughing fit (and snorting).

Conferences by definition are boring, so here's a quick transcription of random notes I've jotted down across yesterday and today.

3:45pm Someone just cut one loose. I think I know who dunnit.
150 participants, maybe 25 women, if you even want to call them that.
3:55pm OMG, that woman has a mullet.
3:57pm OMG, that guy in the back has perfected the art of sleeping with his eyes
open. Jealous.
4:00pm Users ask stupid questions.
4:11pm I'm definitely the youngest person at this conference.
4:18pm Mass exodus. I'm jealous.
4:23pm Monotone engineering/IT guy is READING his slides. Ugh.

8:42am Already on my second cup of coffee. Engineers giving presentations = boring and robotic Need to make business classes and public speaking a requirement in the engineering curriculum.
9:15am Seriously contemplating a nap in the car.
10:16am Engineers can NOT give marketing briefs.
10:37am It's becoming more and more obvious that not a single presenter has paid attention to the time allocated to their presentation. There are 4 presenters scheduled from 8:10 to 9:50. We're up to #3, and it's already 10:37!! This is worse than the Tom Ridge Four Pillars of Freedom graduation speech on that 50 degree May day in the pouring rain.
2:54pm Can I leave yet?
3:27pm The General is giving his speech. I wake up to the following fragment: "...maybe the word exists in some Slavic or Oriental language." Ah, nice and PC, just the way I like it.
3:45pm Oh no he didn't. He didn't just end his speech with the words, "Please deliver."

Only a half day left. Hopefully there will be some good feedback coming out of this effort so I have something to report back to the office.

posted by v @ 6:15 PM